I SPY
by tenten007hero
Summary: Temari and Shikamaru go on their first date. Kankuro drags Gaara along to spy on them.
1. The Date

**Okay I don't own Naruto or any other characters, unfortunately. But I do own…something.**

**XXX means breaks**

**I Spy**

**Chapter 1: The Date**

"Yes, yes, yes!" Temari jumped, doing a happy dance.

"What?" Gaara asked. All he knew was that the phone rang, Temari talked on it for about and hour and now she was dancing retarded.

"Shikamaru asked me out!" she screeched.

"Really? Oh my god!" Kankuro imitated her.

"Shut up."

Kankuro went into the kitchen and grabbed something to eat.

"I should get ready," Temari said going into her room.

"Temari stop singing. You're hurting my ears," Gaara growled.

"Gaara lighten up!"

"I'll kill him."

"I'm going to change silently now," she said closing her door.

"Temari quiet? That's a first," Kankuro smirked.

"Shut up!" a voice said from upstairs.

"She couldn't even last two seconds."

"Okay," Temari chimed, "How do I look?"

Kankuro started choking on his chicken he was eating and Gaara just glared.

"What? To much?" she asked. She wore a black micro mini dress and knee high stiletto boots with a black choker around her neck.

"Let me put it to you this way sis. You look like a hooker," Kankuro told her.

"Take it off," Gaara replied.

"Excuse me?"

"In your room."

Kankuro's face shrewd up, "Mental image! Ugg, thanks Gaara."

"No problem."

Temari came back out with a black ruffle min skirt and a purple halter top. She wore black heels and still had the choker on.

"Better?" she asked.

"Yes," the brothers replied in unison.

"What time is he picking you up?" Gaara asked.

"About an hour."

Kankuro smiled mischievously, "I can set up about eight traps."

"Kankuro."

"Well I could."

Gaara sat on the couch, flipping the channels on the TV until he was ruefully interrupted by purple man.

"What if we spy on them?" Kankuro suggested.

"Who?"

"Temari and Shikamaru."

"She'd kill you."

"What time is it?" Temari asked.

Gaara sighed, "You still have about 50 minutes."

"Okay."

"She's in a hurry," Kankuro observed.

Gaara smirked, "Who wouldn't be in a rush to get away from you."

"Brat," Kankuro mumbled.

"Watch it."

"Whatever. I'm going to spy on them. What if he tries to hurt her?"

"Someone hurt Temari? Please. Now you on the other hand."

"Twerp."

"Idiot."

"Stop!" Temari shouted.

"Go away Kankuro," Gaara started, "Why don't you eat or something."

Kankuro growled and walked away. He went to his room and started to build a puppet that would defeat sand!

Temari walked over by Gaara.

"Time?"

"You still have 40 minutes."

"Ahh."

XXX

Temari ran to get the door.

"Hi Shikamaru!" she gushed when she opened the door.

"Hey."

He wore black jeans and a green top.

"Hey Gaara," Shikamaru said.

"Let me go get my purse," Temari replied running to her room.

Gaara looked right at him, "Let's talk Shika. Is it alright if I call you Shika? Doesn't matter. Look, hurt her and I'll kill you. Touch her and I'll kill you. Be nice to her or I'll kill you. I'll always be watching you. Always be afraid."

"Um."

"Okay, I'm ready to go," Temari said.

"Shikamaru I want to talk to you," Kankuro called coming from his room.

"Shut up," Temari hissed.

"Hurt my sister and I'll- OW!"

Temari hurled a punch at Kankuro. He fell flat on the ground.

"Bye, guys!" she yelled and left.

Gaara stared blankly at Kankuro.

"Your too late. I already gave him the riot act," Gaara told him.

"Uuhhh," Kankuro whined, "So do you want to come with me to spy on them?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"She'll kill you. As much as that would be entertaining I don't want blood on her hands."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"it means no."

Kankuro got this crazy look on his face. He started to think; a first.

"What if he tries to pull something on her or worse? What if she tries to make a move? He asked.

Gaara stared at him, "I hate you."

"I'm taking that as a yes."


	2. Back in black

XXX breaks

**Chapter 2: Back in Black**

Gaara waited patiently for Kankuro by the door. He was dressed all in black. Kankuro came to his side with his puppet. He was also dressed in black (and not his usual black outfit.

"Do you know what restaurant they went to?" Gaara asked him.

"Um, possibly," Kankuro chuckled nervously, "I think I heard Temari talking to herself about some French restaurant."

"Madame Rouge?"

"Yes."

"Lets go."

XXX

"So I think we should sneak in," Kankuro suggested.

Gaara smiled sarcastically, "Really?"

All of a sudden Kankuro started muttering the Mission Impossible song, going in and out of shadows.

"I live with a mental patient," Gaara declared.

"Come on Gaara!"

"Kankuro, if we're going to pop in shouldn't we do it now?"

"Yes."

"Dumb ass."

"Raccoon."

"You're going to pay for that!" Gaara yelled, but Kankuro already transported into the restaurant. Gaara frowned and did the same thing. Both of them were in the men's bathroom. Gaara started to walk out but Kankuro stopped him.

"What?" Gaara snapped.

"This is a single bathroom."

"So."

"So? People might get the wrong impression if we walk out of here together."

"Uh, Kankuro."

"Just saying."

Gaara crossed his arms.

"Fine. You go first," he said.

"OK."

Kankuro stepped out to find a lovely lit French place.

"Nice," he sang. Gaara stepped out of the bathroom.

"Be quiet," Gaara spat, "Here. We'll sit at that table over there. He pointed to a booth that was close by, but not to close to Temari and Shikamaru.

"Temari's right there," Kankuro said loudly.

"Shut up. Do you want her to hear you?"

"Sor-ry."

Gaara and Kankuro sat down at the table.

"May I take your order?" a waiter said coming up to them.

"No thanks," Gaara replied never looking at him.

"Actually," Kankuro started, "I would like to have bread, cheese, and French fries."

"French fries?" Gaara asked.

"It doesn't have the word French in it for nothing."

"Right away," the waiter said leaving.

Kankuro looked at Temari and Shikamaru. She was laughing her head off.

"She looks like she's about to explode," Kankuro said to no one in particular.

"Make sure you don't get caught," Gaara said. Kankuro squinted his eyes. He started to get up.

"What the hell are you doing?" Gaara hissed. Kankuro grabbed his arm and they hid behind a plant.

"What the hell? Kankuro lets go back to our seats," Gaara barked. Temari sat two tables away from the huge plant.

"Spying."

"Kankuro," Gaara warned.

"What are you two doing?" a woman (at least they thought) said. They turned around to face a she wolf. She literally looked like an ugly body builder.

"The world's coming to an end!" Kankuro cried. Gaara kept his cool.

"are you the new waiters?" the lady(???) asked.

Kankuro went from horror expression to mischievous expression.

"Yes," Kankuro finally said after a few seconds.

Gaara looked at him, killing glinting in his eyes.

"What did you just say?" Gaara asked through clenching teeth. "Kankuro, what are you doing?"

"Improvising."

"Come with me," lady she wolf said.

"Dun da dun dun," Kankuro whistled. Gaara could feel his temples throbbing.

"Okay," the lady said," my name's Amanda."

Kankuro started laughing, "A man duh!" Gaara just shook his head.

"Is there something funny about that?"

"No sir, uh ma'am."

Amanda glared at him.

"Okay," she began, "Your uniforms are in that closet and then we will get you started."

"Uniforms," Gaara mumbled. Then it dawned on him. Uniforms! Kankuro you are DEAD!"

"Quiet my sweet little petunia." Kankuro could feel sand moving to his ankles. "Gaara, Gaara I'm sorry. Don't hurt me."

The sand went up to his kneecaps.

"Gaara!"

The sand retreated.

Kankuro wiped his forehead.

"I'm going home."

"No! Gaara come on."

"Do you want me to go get Temari and tell her what YOU"VE been doing?"

"What we've been doing."

"No, you. She only listens to her favorite brother."

"Whatever," Kankuro said.

Gaara was a little shocked. He actually thought Kankuro would give more of a fight.

"Kankuro."

"What?"

"Get the stupid uniforms. I don't trust Temari." Kankuro beamed and got the outfits. Once they were dressed, Gaara wished they had gone home.

"I look like a freakin penguin," Gaara motioned.

"You look cute," Kankuro teased.

"I guess I have to go get Temari," Gaara said.

"Okay, Okay. How to I look?"

Gaara had no expression on his face. Kankuro's pants were an inch to small and so were the sleeves. He looked ridiculous.

"Good."

"You, too."

Gaara went into the kitchen, hoping he would get out of here as soon as possible.

"Ok, you're going to the table and you're going to take their order. Easy as that and when their food comes, you give it to them. Take that table over there with the blonde," Amanda told them.

"Can we have another table?" Kankuro pleaded. Amanda had pointed to Temari and Shikamaru's table.

"Either you go serve that table or there, or you clean the toilets."

"We're going," Kankuro sang. He and Gaara started to walk to her table when Kankuro stopped.

"Hey look at this," he said holding up a fake moustache from a table.

"Kankuro don't even think about it."

"If we have to serve Temari, we should do it in disguise."

"No that's called foolishness. You've crossed the line. A lot."

"Gaara I thought you were on board with this!"

"To act like an idiot? I don't think so."

"Fine I'll go serve them myself."

"Go right ahead. I have to watch this."

Kankuro gave him a dirty look and walked towards his sister.

"Hola senorita, may I take your order?" Kankuro asked in his Spanish accent.

"Baka. It's a French restaurant, asshole," Gaara mumbled leaning on a nearby wall.

"Give us a sec," Temari answered. She was looking dreamily into Shikamaru's eyes.

"Gag me," Kankuro murmured.

Temari turned around, "Excuse me?"

"Nothing mate," Kankuro smirked.

Gaara shook his head," Great. Next he'll be saying the British are coming."

Temari looked up at Kankuro eyes squinted.

"Do I know you?" she asked. With his to short suit, moustache, no purple make up, and a black top had that unfortunately came with the uniform, he was almost unrecognizable.

"Nope."

Gaara just stood there, enjoying very moment of this.

"Are you sure?"

"Si."

"Aren't you supposed to act French? I mean this is a French restaurant. How troublesome," Shikamaru complained.

"Oiu, oui. You are a smart one. I wondered how long it would take you. Cheer up! I mean you're on this date with this gruesome, I mean, lovely lady," Kankuro spat.

Gaara took a napkin and started writing, "this is going in the book of Kankuro's most idiotic moments."

"You're one weird waiter," Temari huffed.

"Grazie."

Gaara imitated him in his mobster voice, "I let you into my family and this is how you repay me? I gave you food."

Kankuro started to sweat. His cover could be blown any minute. It was time to start grilling them on their date.

"So is this your first date together or have you two lovebirds been going at it for a while?" he asked.

"Not that it's any of your business, but this is our first official date," Temari sneered.

"First official?"

Gaara stepped a little closer to the table, anxious to heat the reply.

Shikamaru sighed, "She has two brothers. I told her a long time ago I wanted to go out with her, but she didn't know how they would react. So we kind of snuck around their backs and today is our first official date where Temari told them."

"Really?" Kankuro asked, cracking his knuckles. Gaara had a deadly scowl on his face.

"Okay, well enough of this small talk. I'll have the French onion soup and a chicken caesar salad with some wine," Temari said changing the subject.

"Kankuro looked at her, "How old are you?"

Temari smiled and took some money from her halter, giving a clear view of boobage to the waiter. She smirked, this always worked. A waiter would ask her how old she was, obviously a couple years young for the drinking age, and she would get money out of her shirt, while showing lots of her cleavage and they wouldn't ask anything anymore.

"Oh god I'm scarred for life!" Kankuro cried, shielding his eyes.

"Excuse me?" Temari pressed taken aback. Kankuro couldn't make eye contact with her. He looked towards Shikamaru.

"What do you want?"

"Um... I'll have the salmon," he said a little confused.

"Ok. Both of you are getting seltzer water. I'll be back," Kankuro quickly said speed walking towards the kitchen.

"Smooth," Gaara told me.

Kankuro glared at him, "Did you here about them sneaking around?"

"Yeah and I really want to show him how much it hurts when you play with fire. Better yet with sand."

"Not only do you get burned, you die."

"I say we mess with his fish a little. I mean we have to make sure nothing hazardous is going into his mouth."

"I like your style brother."

"Hurry up and get their food!"

"Okay."

**XXX **

**I didn't really proofread so sorry for any mistakes. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!! **


	3. It's Supper Time

XXX means break

**Chapter 3: It's Supper Time**

After about twenty minutes, the food was done. Shikamaru's fish was still a little raw, but Kankuro told the chef that's how he ordered it.

"I have the food Gaara. I also gave him vodka instead of water," Kankuro told him.

Gaara took the salmon and put his sand on it instead of seasonings while Kankuro put tons of lemon and hot sauce on it. If he tried to have a sip of his drink, he would soon find out that that wouldn't be a good idea.

Kankuro took the dishes and placed them in front of Temari and Shikamaru. He walked away, a smirk on his face.

Temari started blowing on her soup (which was also made cold for sneaking around her brother's backs) and took a sip of the cold liquid. Shikamaru took a bite of his sandy fish. His face went red and he started wheezing, obviously starting to choke on his dinner.

Temari looked at him with a scowl on her face, "Shika, stop making that noise. Blonde much?

Shikamaru started to hold his neck. Temari realized he was choking.

"Oh, god, Shikamaru don't die!" she cried. Temari gave him is drink. He took it quickly and chugged it.

Shikamaru spat the drink out, coughing miserably. Temari stared at him, pissed that she was his spitting target.

"This. Is. Probably. Not. Water," she said through clenched teeth.

"This is such a drag," Shikamaru coughed, "Sorry."

While all this was happening Kankuro was laughing hysterically and Gaara just stood there.

"That was hilarious," Kankuro chuckled, tears coming out of his eyes. It was especially funny to him that Temari got spit on.

Shikamaru's face was still red and he was still coughing. He held on to his neck, losing oxygen.

"Shikamaru? Are you aright?"

No answer.

"Shikamaru!"

The sand was getting caught in his wind pipe, making him not able to breathe.

She took her water and poured it into his mouth. He started to breathe.

"Are you alright?"

"Ye- yes," he gasped.

Amanda came towards the couple. She looked pissed.

"What happened?" she man asked.

Temari shook with rage, "You! Your stupid waiter poisoned my boyfriend!"

"Boyfriend?" Kankuro whispered. Gaara just glared.

"Which one? The one with the dopey look on his face or the raccoon?" Amanda asked Temari.

"Who?"

Gaara looked at Kankuro, "Let's go."

"But this is getting interesting."

"Let's go!"

"Fine."

Gaara and Kankuro silently snuck out of the restaurant. Temari was still in her quarrel with Amanda.

"Listen bitch, I don't care how stupid that waiter was. Actually I don't care about him at all. Now that I really think about it your chef must have poisoned him when he cooked the food!"

Amanda stood there speechless.

XXX

Kankuro and Gaara were walking home silently. Well they were.

"Well I think that went well," Kankuro said. Gaara stood silent so Kankuro continued.

"What do you think they did behind our backs?"

Gaara crossed his arms.

"Why are you so quiet?"

"Why are you so loud?"

Kankuro smiled, "Ha. I got you to talk."

Gaara walked the rest of the way home in silence with Kankuro whistling.

XXX

Temari took Shikamaru out of the restraints not envy bothering to pay the bill but really who would?

Shikamaru held on to Temari's shoulder.

"I felt like I was choking on sand," he said. Temari was quiet, but then something dawned on her.

"Sand? She said either raccoon or dopey. Sand and raccoon equals Gaara. Dopey and stupid waiter adds up to Kankuro. Those idiots! I'm going to kill them!"

"Like they almost did to me. When Gaara said he would always be watching, I didn't think they meant everywhere."

Temari froze in her steps, "Do you think they no about are little meetings?"

Shikamaru shrugged, "it would be troublesome if they did."

**XXX**

**One more chapter left. Review!**


	4. Busted

**Chapter 4: Busted**

Temari said good-bye to Shikamaru who was going to walk to a nearby hotel and go home in the morning. Temari went inside her house to find Gaara and Kankuro watching TV. She some of her anger start to rise, but then suppressed it. She was going to make them confess.

"Hello," she said coolly, "what are you doing?"

"Watching a documentary about toads," Kankuro replied.

"How was your date?" Gaara asked.

"Fantastic. We had this idiot of a waiter though. Every time he talked him would spit. It was pretty gross."

Kankuro's face tightened. Temari thought that that would have gotten him to talk.

"That sucks," Kankuro said.

"Yeah."

"His accents were great though."

"What?"

Gaara turned to face him.

"Nothing."

"No, you said something about accents. How did you know?"

"Know what?"

"Don't play dumb."

Gaara looked at Temari, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Temari moved uncomfortably, "Uh, nothing."

"A secret?"

"No."

Gaara started flipping the channels then turned it off.

"Are you lying?" he asked.

"No!"

Kankuro looked at her, "Repent your sins, child." Temari smacked him up against the head.

"Ow."

"Well?" Gaara pressed.

"Well what?"

"Temari!"

"Gaara!"

"Kankuro!" Kankuro said. Two glares were set on him.

"Are you trying to tell me something?" Temari asked.

Kankuro grew red, "like what?"

"Like what you did why I was away? You're not dead. I thought Gaara might have killed you."

Gaara interrupted, "We were watching the toad documentary."

"For three hours!?!"

"You weren't at the restaurant for three hours!" Kankuro yelled.

Temari stared at him, "How did you know?"

"Common sense."

"Something you don't have."

Gaara replied, "What are we even arguing about? Nothing."

"What?" Kankuro and Temari said at the same time. Temari stood in front of them.

"You two were at the restaurant with me!" she said in one breathe.

"How did you know?" Kankuro exclaimed.

"Ha. So it's true."

"Damn it!"

Gaara stared at the TV. Temari looked at him for any expression what so ever. Nothing.

"I approve," Gaara finally said. Temari looked surprised.

"Yes. We were there and we saw how much you liked him."

"And some of us saw more," Kankuro replied. Temari looked confused for a second then it hit her.

"Oh. My. God. The money!" she cried.

"Oh, yeah."

"Gaara looked at his siblings, "No more sneaking around Temari. I mean it.'

"No more spying."

"Deal."

They shook on it. Well, Temari shook Gaara's hand. He wasn't exactly the shaking type.

"So what documentary should we watch now?" Kankuro asked.

"I think the one about raccoons," Temari told him.

"Fine," Gaara said and flipped to the channel with Kankuro on his right and Temari sitting on his left.

XXX

I hoped everyone enjoyed my story!!!!


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